ashleigh.jade.A-level photography: Expressions of myself: Self portrait

Out of the 4 possible self-portraits of myself, above, I decided that I wanted to use the portrait below as I felt that this really showed the grief and emotion of my Aunt's death, with the position of my face buried into my hands of which have now turned to fists. I chose to turn my hands into fists as this gives an insight into the anger I felt at the time of her death towards God. Why did he have to take her from me? Couldn't he have gave her more time? More time for me to get to know her better/ really get to cherish her?

To experiment and develop the portrait, above, I decided to add another aspect to the photograph. I wanted to experiment with adding a dying flower as another layer onto the image, of which I completed in photoshop. After adding the layer I then changed the opacity to create a ghost-like appearance to the dying flower, almost as a re-creation of the cancer slowly taking my Aunt away from me.

However even though I really liked the self-portrait, above, and I found that it really expressed the emotions that I was going through at that period of time in my life, I decided that I wasn't going to use this photograph as my overall self-portrait as I felt that it doesn't express my emotions that I now feel at 17. I have moved on since that time and this portrait shows that I haven't moved on, which is not the case. After looking at this 'self-portrait' for quite a while, I found that I had quite a big issue with the way that I am positioned within the photograph, as the meaning was getting quite waylaid by the position of the camera.

Maybe if I had zoomed in on my head and fists then I could have portrayed the meaning behind my 'self-portrait' as well as not being misleading or provocative in anyway.

I was now back to square one.

However, once looking back at the four original/possible 'self-portraits' of myself I took quite a liking to the two photographs above as I thought that the composition of myself, looking to either side with my body position within the centre of each photograph, I found that there was a likeness to them of which when positioned side by side the 'two girls' could have been mistaken for twins.

This theory of 'twins' then sparked off the thought of my star sign 'Gemini', so I then thought of ways in which I could somehow link them together to show both photographs within one, almost as though I have two sides/personalities of myself but within one body, relating back to the 'Gemini' star sign.

I knew that I wanted to link the idea of surrealism with my self-portrait and this theory of 'star signs' would be perfect to associate with this as many people believe that their sign determines what their personality and expressions are.

My star sign is Gemini and so I thought that the surrealist movement would work well with this.

Gemini:

''THE Zodiacal Sign of Gemini -commences on May 21st, but for seven days it doesn’t come into its full power until about May 28th. From this date onwards it is in full strength until June 20^th.The people who were born in this period are widely known for their dual personalities and ability to change mood from moment to moment. The twin sides of their nature are perpetually pulling in opposite directions. Their brains are subtle and brilliant but they usually "lack continuity of purpose".
Of all people they are the most difficult to understand; in temperament they are hot and cold almost at the same moment. They love with one side of their nature and they are often critical or dislike with the other side.
It is difficult even for them to understand what they want to achieve. At heart they are ambitious for social position; but when obtained they have already tired of it, and are ready to go in for something else or for something totally opposite
They believe every moment has a separate existence.
In all matters of affection they are human puzzles.''

I then began to experiment within photoshop. Below is a contact sheet of which have my experiments on them:

After looking through all the different experiments I found that the photograph below stood out most for me as it has captured the 'two beings/personalities within one body', the Gemini effect, as well as capturing my earlier meaning and thoughts of my Aunt with the positions of the two heads, with reference to the paragraph above of the Gemini zodiac (highlighted in red), of which once layered upon one another it almost gives off the feeling of movement, as though I am shaking my head. By giving off movement it's showing my emotion and confusion of the time of my Aunt's death as well as a slight tension with the way that I am holding my body in that awkward position with my arms by my side, as though I have given up the fight against God and I have now accepted the death of my Aunt.

Here is the process that I went through to create my final self-portrait: